Do I really “trust” God?
We came home from SonShine Music Festival to find the for sale sign in our yard.
We all knew this day was coming. I accepted a job with Compassion International on July 2. But there is something about returning to the building where I watched my kids grow up to see a for sale sign in the yard. It has been tough for all of us. In our own way we have all said that this place just doesn’t feel like a home it is just a house.
All those emotions bring me back to why we are moving. I believe that God has called us to leave. I believe He has called us to move as a family. There are times where that choice sits well with my soul; and there are many times where it hurts. In that hurt the honest question that I am wrestling with is…
Do I really “trust” God?
So I step back from the emotions and lean into God. It is there that He gives His peace and comfort. I returned to a notebook where I wrote out three pages of my thoughts after a sleepless night and a 2am walk with God. He gave me peace then, and continues to do so.
Here are some of those words…
I trust in God. I do in countless ways. Or at least I say I do, but do I truly? I have told others, “I trust God to lead me” and “I trust that my Heavenly Father knows my children better than myself”. Nice words … but can I live them?
I know God is sovereign – stupid religious word. I know God, my God, my Father, controls all things. He hears prayers. So He answered prayers and gave me a job, a tremendous job. He crafted a position that needs someone with such a unique set of skills that it fits me perfectly. The problem is location (it is in Colorado Springs, CO).
To move hurts my kids. It crushes my heart to see them stressed, and hurt. “I trust God”. How can this be? Can a loving Father cause such pain? Does my heavenly Father hear their cries? “I trust God”.
Repeatedly I find my perspective on life rarely matches God’s. My view is out of focus and has extremely limited range. In comparison, God’s view is so clear He can number the fairs on my head while also knowing the exact location of every star in the sky. He sees detail I rarely consider and sees further than my brain can comprehend. He has a perspective on life that requires me to have “faith”.
“faith” – Hebrews 11:1says, “Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.”
Intellectually I know Him and I trust Him. My heart and my emotions seem to be falling behind. But as I realize this difference I am reminded of my limited perspective. It is hard for me to trust when I can not see the way. I need to have faith in my LORD, my Savior, My Father, my God.
Faith that moving to Colorado will bring good. I “hope” for friends, deep long-lasting friends in Christ for each of us. I hope for joy. And I remember His promise to turn sorrow into joy.
The days ahead feel like chaos, a chaos shrouded with uncertainty and opportunities to fear at every moment. But I also know God is there in it all.
What encouraging words to re-read. I do trust. Each time I feel overwhelmed and begin to fear I lean into Jesus further. I really trust God.
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